Two Weddings and a Funeral
Ok, probably not the most appropriate title but it pretty much sums up my month!Ohhhhhhh, Guatemalan weddings….I would say they are about as much fun as a funeral. No dancing, no booze (which explains why there’s no dancing), and monotonous marimba…enough to make anyone go mad! Sadly, I can only dream about showing these indigenous people how to let loose and have just a little bit of fun:)
The first wedding took place in the Catholic cathedral in Solola, a town about an hour away from here. I showed up at the church about ten minutes early, only because I wasn’t sure what to expect, it being my first wedding in Guatemala. The groom, a friend of mine from Grameen, was just standing outside by himself. I said hello, good luck, you look nice, etc and then headed into the church to secure a seat. Well, I noticed once I walked in that a service was being held, but I just figured it was a regular church service and the wedding would take place afterwards. After sitting down, I realized that there were two couples up front that were getting married….such a slick wedding crasher! So anyways, I just sat there and looked like I knew what was going on. Unfortunately, I ended up sitting there for an hour through someone else’s wedding…big fun!
So, the wedding that I was supposed to be attending started an hour late...and to be quite honest, if I didn’t know any better, I’m not sure I would have known I was even at a wedding. There was no fanfare, no pomp and circumstance, no grand entrance by the bride, nada. It was just a regular church service, and there happened to be three couples at the front that were planning to exchange vows on this particular day (How would you like to share your wedding day with two other couples…lol, that would be like the triplets all getting married on the same day..gross). The church was filled, but you didn’t know if someone was there for one of the weddings or if they were only there for Saturday mass. The church had three sections of pews, and each section was decorated differently with some kind of adornment for the various weddings. The three women getting married wore their traditional local dress, setting themselves aside as the brides with only a white veil. Halfway through the service, the priest visited each of the couples (who were sitting in the front pews), to have them recite their vows. Afterwards, the train of the bride’s veil was placed on the opposite shoulder of the groom, enclosing them like a cocoon and signifying their union. (Or a long string of beads from the veil was thrown over the groom in a figure 8 to join them together – or trap them rather:) Once it was all said and done, each couple posed up front for a couple of photo opportunities. By this time, everyone had left the building, so there was no one to watch the newlyweds walk down the aisle. It reminded me a lot of Vegas, the church trying to get in as many weddings as they could in one day, rushing them in and out. I guess I just live in a fairytale world and I am a fairytale girl (you liked that spin on Madonna didn’t you) that it just didn’t seem like the happiest of occasions…Plus, I don’t know about you, but I want to be the center of attention at my own wedding:)
Well, I came to find out that it’s not customary for guests to attend the church ceremony…no wonder I felt like I was the only one there for my friend’s wedding. And here I was thinking, ‘Gosh, I’m so glad I showed up since there’s such a poor turnout’. But then I ask, if you aren’t expected to go to the ceremony, why send invitations for it? Ok, I know it’s all about the actual announcement, whatever. Anyways, the rest of the guests were waiting outside the church to greet the new couple – along with about twenty minutes of firecrackers going off right inside your eardrum. (They were literally shooting them off right next to the door of the church…not kidding.) Afterwards, we started the procession through town to the bride’s house where the wedding reception would take place…sorry, this also felt like a funeral procession…slow-moving and solemn, and a good 45 minute walk out to the middle of nowhere. The newlyweds positioned themselves about a quarter of a mile from the house to direct the traffic…the groom asked me as I passed whether it was too far to walk…uh, yea.
Once I made it to the house, I started to sneeze…like all Guatemalan celebrations, they had grass covering every naked spot. Everyone was already seated for lunch – and of course, they saved the best spot for moi, the gringa. I got to sit right up front, next to the bride and groom. I have to admit, I often feel that the people here like to show off the ‘gringo’. It’s almost a status symbol that you are friends with me. We always get special treatment too…like being served champagne when no one else is. I guess if you are were anywhere else, this special treatment would rock…but being here, it just makes you uncomfortable.
So while the bride and groom were giving their own toasts, there was an assembly line of women distributing plates of food down the aisles. I don’t think Will Ferrell could have cracked a smile at the table I was sitting at. They just sat there and looked at each other; no one spoke, they just ate and perused their food. I know this happens at weddings in the US too, but only when you have assigned seating and people don’t know each other….
Following a meal of rice, beans, carne de res, and tortillas, literally everyone got up to get in line and give the couple their gifts. I just sat there and watched…no way was I gonna go stand in line for half an hour…what happened to a gift table por favor! And really, what do you give a Guatemalan couple?? I mean, I can’t go out to the nearest Bed Bath and Beyond or Williams Sonoma to see what’s on their registry. It’s not like they picked out a china pattern nor have preferred colors for their kitchen or bathroom. So what did I give them?? MONEY:) Now, I know this is a strange gift in Guatemala, and normally this would be considered impersonal and kinda rude…but since I know the guy pretty well, I told him to go buy something nice for his new wife! I don’t think he objected…I just couldn’t stand the thought of buying him some ‘DS’ for his house like everyone else (i.e. decorative shit). We all have enough of that in Guatemala, trust me!
To go out with a bang, I jokingly asked one of the guys sitting at my table if maybe we should start the dancing. In all seriousness, he said he was sorry but that he was not permitted to dance….it turns out he was evangelical!
Unfortunately there wasn’t a Luna de Miel…he was back at work on Monday:(
(I will spare you the details of the second wedding, but it wasn’t nearly as bad)
As for the funeral, it happened to be one of the women from my groups. Twenty-six years old, pregnant, and went into labor last week. Her midwife is also in my group and related the story to me through many tears. Evidently something went wrong after the placenta came out and she bled to death. The midwife tried to coax the lady into going to the hospital, but the woman refused. The baby is fine but now without a mother. In light of the situation, the midwives of Nahuala have been participating in a workshop this week to go over things they need to know and do during birth…including when to GO TO THE HOSPITAL. I work very closely with the President of the midwives here in Nahaula, so I have been attending the classes to offer support and encouragement. We practiced washing our hands thoroughly and disinfecting everything. We played with fake stomachs for feeling a baby’s position and whether it’s horizontal, breech, or headfirst. We even practiced the math for due dates. But the main message was to encourage midwives that if there are complications, they have to get the patient to the hospital. The midwives (poco a poco) are beginning to understand that in these kinds of circumstances, they are helpless, they can’t operate, they can’t stop the bleeding….so now, it’s all about getting the patient to understand and accept this. Unfortunately, the women that are in these communities have had midwives for as long as they can remember, and they are accustomed to giving birth in their own homes. Not only is it scary, but going to a hospital or to see a doctor just doesn’t seem right to them. Anyways, I have learned way too much about birth and labor to last me the rest of my life, I even know how to give a prenatal exam now…scary stuff! Let’s just say that the videos I have seen recently make me never want to have kids…
Which brings me to my next topic, which doesn’t have anything to do with death. So, my two best friends in Nahuala are two of the senoritas that are in my exercise class. This past Monday, no one showed up except for them, so we ended up just having a gab session instead of working out. But this gab session was definitely different from ones that I normally have with them…normally, we discuss boyfriends or lack thereof, but this week we discussed sex! I’m not kidding, I was floored!! They started asking me questions about condoms, about AIDS/HIV, about birth control pills, etc. I mean, these topics are always so taboo…so I must have gained their confianza. I was very blunt with them, and probably provided more information than they wanted…but why not, better to know right. It was really surprising to find out how clueless they were…especially at 26 and 27 years old. Just some examples, not knowing what birth control pills are, what they do, how they regulate your periods, the concept of hormones, what are condoms for and how do they prevent STDS, what is AIDS, etc. Birth control was a completely foreign concept to them….family planning is a controversial topic here in Guatemala, especially in the rural indigenous towns. They also talked about how much men cheat here and that if they get married they are gonna make their husbands get tested first and foremost…I thought that was awesome. I guess it was like giving a sex talk to your kids, but I found it kind of exhilarating to be able to share so openly with them and encourage them better to be safe than sorry. Glad we had this talk!
Finally, and not really wanting to come back to the topic of death, but three Guatemalans from Nahuala died in a house fire in New York City this past month. They were illegal immigrants working and living in Brooklyn. Their bodies were transported back to Guatemala a few weeks ago, and there was a huge funeral procession through town to commemorate those lost. The first I heard about it was when the radio station asked me whether I could get more information about the actual fire and the names of the ones who died. (In which I consequently steered them to the Internet and reminded them that they can find almost anything in the World Wide Web.) It was the buzz in town for about a week – amazing to me because everyone seems so removed from the outside world here and yet they connected with a story in Brooklyn, millions of miles away. That being said, people are always interested in their ‘own people’. I have found that any story coming from the US that deals with Guatemalan migrants is a hot topic…specifically deportation…I wonder why….
That’s all for this week folks! I’m gonna enjoy next week with my mom…she’s flying to Guatemala and will give classes to all my women’s groups. Next post might be from her, about her experiences!
Have a gorgeous weekend,
Carin
posted by Carin Robinson @ 6:03 PM
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